This is the hardest post I think I’ve written in my short tenure as a blogger.
Since returning from England, I have been eating like a maniac. All sorts of things I would never have eaten earlier in my WW journey, and often, stuff I don’t even want. I just want to eat terrible food.
I don’t know what the difference is. Maybe it’s stress – I am currently in the process of applying for a student visa for my upcoming move to England. It’s majorly stressful as there are about a billion different forms, each with different information, and no one will answer your questions (Unless you pay 3.00/minute, that is). I’m trying to sell all of my worldly possessions, figure what to pack…Obviously, it would be stressful for anyone, and I tend to go way insane when I’m stressed.
Maybe, leading up to my trip, I was all gung-ho because I wanted to look and feel good during my time with DBF. Perhaps now that the trip is over and I had an amazing time with DBF, I’m feeling less pressure to lose weight. We had a long conversation about my issues with food. He knew before – I’d mentioned it briefly – but I wanted him to know everything. All the dirty details. So, I laid it all out for him, explained my tendency to stress- and binge- eat, my yo-yoing weight, my fear that if I have children, I may never lose it for good. He was wonderful and understanding. He doesn’t want me to look like I’ve just fallen off of some magazine cover – he told me he wanted me to be happy and healthy, which is great as that’s what I want for myself as well. I want to lead a long, happy, and active life with him. So I don’t know why I’m off track now.
I got on the scale Sunday and it showed that I was up 7 pounds. In a week. I honestly don’t think that’s accurate – I ran a lot and while I ate junk, I didn’t eat THAT much junk. I think a lot f it was water weight. However, seeing that number should have shocked me into being good. And it did, for a day.
Now, I’m back to old habits. I’m snacking all the time, and not on good foods. I’m not tracking. I’m still running, but with the humidity, it might be a mile a day instead of my normal 2 or 3.
For the first time since starting this WLJ, I feel completely out of control. It’s a very scary feeling. I’ve lost 60+ pounds and the scariest thing in the world is thinking that I may gain it all back. And then some. Because, let’s be honest, with me, I never just gain back what I lost.
I need a plan. Who knows if it will work, but at least I will have one laid out.
So, ladies and gentlemen…here is my plan and my little list of short-term goals.
Plan for this week:
Throw out all crappy food I bought (I’m looking at you, Salt and Vinegar potato chips).
Go to store. Buy fruits and veggies, other healthy, ww-friendly foods I enjoy but don’t have in the house.
Run 3x/week; 1 day, 1 mile, 1 day, 2 miles, 1 day, 3 miles.
Start sit-up/crunch challenge.
Track everything, even if it’s not healthy food, I need to have it all written down. Actually, I’m going to track my food for a week on my blog, so I know other people will see what I’m eating.
BLOG MORE. Blogging helps me.
Get back on the WW message boards. They are also helpful for me.
Get down to 199.9 (or less) before moving to England on Sept 10th. This is do-able, I think.
Run next 5K (in Dewey Beach, DE, Aug 21) in less time than my first 5K (47:42).
Track every day.
5 servings of fruits and veggies everyday. I’ll work on the rest of the GHGs later.
OK. So there is my plan for the week and my list of short-term goals.
If anyone has any words of wisdom, I could definitely use them. Have you stalled or lost motivation in your WLJ? How did you get back on track?