This is the hardest post I think I’ve written in my short tenure as a blogger.
Since returning from England, I have been eating like a maniac. All sorts of things I would never have eaten earlier in my WW journey, and often, stuff I don’t even want. I just want to eat terrible food.
I don’t know what the difference is. Maybe it’s stress – I am currently in the process of applying for a student visa for my upcoming move to England. It’s majorly stressful as there are about a billion different forms, each with different information, and no one will answer your questions (Unless you pay 3.00/minute, that is). I’m trying to sell all of my worldly possessions, figure what to pack…Obviously, it would be stressful for anyone, and I tend to go way insane when I’m stressed.
Maybe, leading up to my trip, I was all gung-ho because I wanted to look and feel good during my time with DBF. Perhaps now that the trip is over and I had an amazing time with DBF, I’m feeling less pressure to lose weight. We had a long conversation about my issues with food. He knew before – I’d mentioned it briefly – but I wanted him to know everything. All the dirty details. So, I laid it all out for him, explained my tendency to stress- and binge- eat, my yo-yoing weight, my fear that if I have children, I may never lose it for good. He was wonderful and understanding. He doesn’t want me to look like I’ve just fallen off of some magazine cover – he told me he wanted me to be happy and healthy, which is great as that’s what I want for myself as well. I want to lead a long, happy, and active life with him. So I don’t know why I’m off track now.
I got on the scale Sunday and it showed that I was up 7 pounds. In a week. I honestly don’t think that’s accurate – I ran a lot and while I ate junk, I didn’t eat THAT much junk. I think a lot f it was water weight. However, seeing that number should have shocked me into being good. And it did, for a day.
Now, I’m back to old habits. I’m snacking all the time, and not on good foods. I’m not tracking. I’m still running, but with the humidity, it might be a mile a day instead of my normal 2 or 3.
For the first time since starting this WLJ, I feel completely out of control. It’s a very scary feeling. I’ve lost 60+ pounds and the scariest thing in the world is thinking that I may gain it all back. And then some. Because, let’s be honest, with me, I never just gain back what I lost.
I need a plan. Who knows if it will work, but at least I will have one laid out.
So, ladies and gentlemen…here is my plan and my little list of short-term goals.
Plan for this week:
Throw out all crappy food I bought (I’m looking at you, Salt and Vinegar potato chips).
Go to store. Buy fruits and veggies, other healthy, ww-friendly foods I enjoy but don’t have in the house.
Run 3x/week; 1 day, 1 mile, 1 day, 2 miles, 1 day, 3 miles.
Start sit-up/crunch challenge.
Track everything, even if it’s not healthy food, I need to have it all written down. Actually, I’m going to track my food for a week on my blog, so I know other people will see what I’m eating.
BLOG MORE. Blogging helps me.
Get back on the WW message boards. They are also helpful for me.
Short-term goals:
Get down to 199.9 (or less) before moving to England on Sept 10th. This is do-able, I think.
Run next 5K (in Dewey Beach, DE, Aug 21) in less time than my first 5K (47:42).
Track every day.
5 servings of fruits and veggies everyday. I’ll work on the rest of the GHGs later.
OK. So there is my plan for the week and my list of short-term goals.
If anyone has any words of wisdom, I could definitely use them. Have you stalled or lost motivation in your WLJ? How did you get back on track?
